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When dating seems hopeless

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Life can throw some serious stuff your way when you least expect it, and one of the best ways to make it through the tough stuff is to try to find the upside in any situation (which is easier said than done, of course).Optimism is especially important when it comes to dating since finding love is usually more painstaking than it is fun.Rife with opportunities for awkward conversations and infinite unknown factors — – dating often is seen as overwhelmingly scary and decidedly unappealing.This type of anxiety and shyness leads to avoidance of meeting new people, as well as a sense of isolation and hopelessness about the prospect of finding a suitable partner.This is a thing: if you’re single in your 30s or 40s you can feel like you’ve missed a steamin’ big ship. Because you just can’t find people who fit the bill, who inspire something in your loins. When I started dating a guy at 21 we were building from a pretty low base, together.Dominant discourse, sadly, goes like this: The pickings are slim; it’s all second rounds and baggage and receding hairlines. But now, my life is rich and varied and independent and fun and full.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is the third-most-common psychological disorder, affecting 15 million men and women in the US.

Face it: your inebriated self isn't the real you, and it doesn't make sense to start a relationship based on what you're like when you're intoxicated.

Try a Starbucks or an equally populated café, instead.

In your 30s and 40s, your standards for finding a partner are super elevated.

I don’t mean to sound as arrogant as I do when I say that my life now is too good for many men to be able to reach my personal bar. It’s the logical truth of the matter, not self-flattery.